Journal · mine

Who Would Care?

Hey, guys. 

So this is going to be a short update as I’m just going to share you something.

I almost made a whole new blog.

Yep. An nth blog like I did to my Tumblr account where you can make multiple blogs with only one account.

Why would you make another one? You literally don’t even post on your other blogs. 

Okay. Basically I made it for the people I know in real life so somehow they’d know that this, blogging, is one of the things I like doing. I write down my ideas and the things that I can’t say to my real life friends. None of them has an idea that I actually keep this kind of thing, nor do they know that I love writing, not even my best friend.

I’m just uncomfortable at the thought of them reading through my posts/works. I don’t even know why.

Back to the new blog. So I started writing a draft introducing them to my small world. I am already halfway through and whilst I was making it, I have also started writing about my ambiversion, explaining my introvert and extrovert side. It wasn’t that hard though, shifting from one draft to another. 

I was really making an effort of sharing and explaining everything about myself in a blog. 

Well, only for just a week. I lost all excitement and motivation to make this blog for them. And it’s all because of a question:

Would they care if I sent them a link to a blog that I made especially for them to know more about me?

That was it. I mean, think about it. Why would you put SO MUCH EFFORT on explaining yourself if you don’t even know who would be willing to read the whole blog? Some of these people who you’re going to show your blog to are those people who will ask you to speak up but when you do, they won’t even listen and would just cut you off with more interesting things.

So that’s why I lost the energy that was supposed to go to that blog. The blog that could’ve showed everything about me. The blog that could’ve spared my energy from talking too much and explaining too often. 

Of course other people might say, Well, at least you could’ve showed them the efforts you’d do for them. I’ve already showed my efforts to them, and most of those efforts are the things that I didn’t imagine doing: talking to an official for a program, taking part at the college council for them to be updated about events.

You are selfish, others might say. You’re just thinking about yourself.

Yes, I am selfish, but you know what? I have the right to be because I also have to mind myself, not just the others. The most important person to me is me because if you have no one, you can only depend on yourself.

So why should I drain my energy and rack my brain on something that others would just take for granted? 

So this all I could say for now. It somehow didn’t end well but this is all that I can think of right now, I’m sorry.

If you’re reading this part of the post, thank you for bearing with me.

-Claude xx


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